


Equipoise

by inksheddings



Category: Loveless
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-04-12
Updated: 2007-04-12
Packaged: 2017-10-16 00:05:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/166287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inksheddings/pseuds/inksheddings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ritsuka has never been happier, but hey – what teenager doesn't have issues?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Equipoise

Nothing – absolutely nothing – felt as good as sex with Soubi. Ritsuka could not imagine ever growing tired of thrusting into him; hard and fast, slow and leisurely, a little of both. It didn't matter. It was heaven. And the sounds Soubi made were icing on the cake. He moaned and groaned and _whimpered_ even. He clutched and he petted and he met every one of Ritsuka's thrusts with equal enthusiasm, which sometimes meant their couplings didn't last all that long. But neither of them was too old to go another round, so what did it matter?

However, there was one little itty bitty.... Well, "problem" wasn't the right word. Issue. Yes, one small issue.

"Soubi," Ritsuka ground out as Soubi hovered over him, kissing his collarbone and slowly stroking his cock with a lubed hand. "You could- nnnngh. You could top if you wanted. Your fingers are already wet, and - oh, _god_ \- we've never done it like that and-"

But then Soubi impaled himself on Ritsuka's cock and how could anyone argue with that?

*****

No one could say Soubi was a typical guy. Really, come on. Whether you were talking about his looks, his attitude, the way he dressed; nothing typical whatsoever. Except maybe this.

"Soubi, wake up! I want to talk to you!" Ritsuka was nearly yelling as he leaned over Soubi's curled-up form.

But it was no use. A post-coital Soubi was a sleeping Soubi. Normally this endeared him even more to Ritsuka, because in sleep he looked trouble free and so damn _young_ that Ritsuka often found himself looking for ears and a tail. But if during sex it was no use trying to talk to Soubi about his reluctance to top, maybe after – when they were both high on the physical release – would have more of an effect.

But Soubi kept snoring.

Ritsuka flopped back onto the bed, more frustrated than he felt he should be after what they'd just done together, and played with one of the too long grey hairs that had starting growing in when he was fifteen. He really needed a cut, but the shorter his hair the more the grey showed. Not that he was vain or anything, but he still had a few disturbing memories of getting teased for being a virgin senior citizen.

Okay. Maybe Ritsuka needed to address this _before_ they even took their socks off. Hell, how was he supposed to know? They hadn't even started having sex until after Ritsuka's seventeenth birthday, and that was only five months ago. What did he know about talking about sex?

Oh. Oh, wait. Of course he didn't know how to approach the situation, with his limited experience. But he knew people who just might be able to give him some advice. One person in particular.

Now Ritsuka just had to manage it without burying his head in the sand.

*****

Turned out Ritsuka's head wasn't the only one looking for a dark place to hide..

"Noooooooooooooooo!" Kio hollered as he jumped up from his spot beside Ritsuka on the park bench. "No, uh-uh. You can not _do_ this to me. It was bad enough when you showed up without ears and that cute little tail, you want to _talk_ about it? Hell, kid, I couldn't help but _imagine_ it and- and-" Kio's shoulders slumped and he lost some of his bluster. "Shit. Did I really just admit to that?"

Ritsuka could only nod.

Kio blushed, and if Ritsuka wasn't blushing just as hard he probably would have managed to laugh at their situation. But he had to talk to Kio. He'd known Soubi a lot longer than Ritsuka had, and if anyone had any insight into that weird brain of his it was this guy.

Besides, Ritsuka considered Kio a good friend. He'd been there for Soubi, which gave him a lot of starting points, but he'd also been there for Ritsuka a few times since their first meeting. He'd been the one to keep Ritsuka's mom calm and occupied while Soubi had helped him move out his stuff. He'd also had the good sense not to say a word about it after they were done.

"Ah, fuck it," Kio said as he sat back down on the bench and valiantly managed to keep eye contact. "Okay, let me get this straight. You have a boyfriend who is not only incredibly hot and incredibly submissive in every imaginable way, but he lets you fuck him upside down and sideways as much as you could possibly want and yet that's not _enough_? Am I missing anything here, Ric-chan?"

Ritsuka grit his teeth. "Don't call me that. And if you ruffle my hair I'll bite your hand off!" he warned as he saw the tell-tale movement.

"Fine, fine!" Kio laughed, lowering his arm. "Look-"

"And he's not submissive about _everything_ , not anymore!"

Kio looked at him with a rather serious expression that would seem out of place if you didn't know him well enough. It usually meant he was about to say something you didn't really want to hear, and Ritsuka couldn't help but tense up.

"Ritsuka, how long have you been living with Soubi now?"

"You know. Almost a year."

A group of kids ran by, young enough to still have ears and tails, and Kio watched them as they laughed and joked with each other, sharing the warm spring day as if they hadn't a care in the world. Maybe they didn't.

"He's changed a lot since you came along. He laughs, he smiles- hell, scared me to death the first time he smiled at me like that! I hadn't even been sure he had teeth!"

Ritsuka laughed, Kio's easy manner draining some of the tension out of his body.

"Even before we finished school – before you guys were officially an item – toward the end he was hardly ever late to class and his assignments were actually in _on time_. Our teachers didn't know what to make of him anymore." Kio shook his head fondly, obviously a bit lost in remembrance and affection. "Ritsuka, what you've done for him, the happiness you've brought into his life. I'm actually glad he has you. I'm grateful he's got you to- to...tell him what to do."

Now it was Ritsuka jumping off the bench, but not in embarrassment but anger.

"I don't! I do not tell him how to live his life! He's an adult as much as I am, and he can make his own damn decisions, and he _does_. It's not like I pick out his clothes or make him take out the trash, and I certainly didn't tell him to take that job teaching at an all _girls_ school."

But Kio just smiled at him, infuriating Ritsuka even more.

"Kio, I know he still listens to me, that he'll always want to... _please_ me," Ritsuka cringed at the admission. "But I do _not_ tell him how to live his life."

"No, you don't. You just tell him to go ahead and _live_ it. So he does."

 _What?_

Oh, Ritsuka's head hurt trying to understand Kio's words. He turned away and tried to calm down before he really did bite Kio. He nearly jumped when he felt warm hands on his shoulders.

"Look, Ritsuka. Soubi has definitely changed. He takes care of himself, he lets himself have fun and _good_ things in his life. Good things like you. But that wouldn't have happened if you hadn't told him it was possible. Hell, if you hadn't ordered him to. Come on! That's a part of who Sou-chan is, and really, what's so bad about that?"

Ritsuka shrugged Kio's hands off and faced him. "What's so bad about that?" he asked, his voice nearly trembling. "Seimei...." but he couldn't continue. As much as he wanted to hate his brother it still hurt to say anything spiteful. But what he'd done to Soubi....

"I know, Ritsuka. Thing is, you're not Seimei. That's really all that matters."

So Ritsuka left the park, pissed off at Kio and Soubi and Seimei and even himself; no better off knowing how to get Soubi to fuck him, short of ordering him to do it, and that just seemed plain _wrong_.

*****

Ritsuka supposed he could do it while Soubi slept. He'd prepared Soubi a million times by now, it couldn't be so hard to do it to himself, could it? And he could practice first, but.... No. It was too much like giving Soubi an _order_ rather than a choice.

"Ritsuka. Hey, Ritsuka, snap out of it."

Ritsuka's head snapped up and he found three pairs of eyes looking at him in various stages of amusement.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly, and Yayoi rolled his eyes as Yuiko laughed. Soubi just squeezed his hand before getting up from the table to clear the dinner dishes.

"It was delicious, as always, Soubi-san! Thank you!" Yuiko chirped.

"It was my pleasure. As always," Soubi responded with a flirtatious grin.

Yayoi grimaced as he watched his not-quite girlfriend follow Soubi into the kitchen. "Does he have to _do_ that?"

Ritsuka reached across the table and whacked his friend on the head. "Relax. She came here with you, didn't she?"

"Still!" Yayoi insisted, but at least he was smiling when he said it. "It ain't easy pining for someone for _years_ , finally getting them to let you drive them to a friend's house for dinner only to abandon you for the chef. Some double-date."

"Then why do you look so happy about it?"

"Because it _is_ a double-date! Plus I get to drive her home." Yayoi smirked as he folded his arms across his chest in self-satisfaction.

"Doesn't she still live with her parents?"

"That's not the point, dumbass. She let me _hold her hand_ from her door to the car. When I drop her off, maybe she'll let me kiss her goodnight."

Ritsuka sighed, torn between feeling happy or concerned for his friend's latest attempts at wooing the elusive Yuiko. Honestly, sometimes Ritsuka didn't know who got on his nerves more; Yayoi for not knowing when to give it a rest, or Yuiko for not _letting_ him give it a rest. They were both equally frustrating.

"Yayoi..."

"Hmmm?"

"Have you ever thought of just... I don't know, maybe letting Yuiko make a move first?"

"What do you mean by that?" Yayoi asked, leaning back in his chair as if Ritsuka might take a swing at him. Or at his heart.

"I mean... Look, it's obvious to everyone how you feel about her, it's always been obvious. I know it, she knows it, even Soubi knows it. But my point is that _she_ knows it. Yet you haven't gotten very far in all these years. She keeps letting you get closer, a little at a time, but never really comes clean with how she feels about _you_. Maybe it's time you backed off a little. Stopped trying so hard. Then maybe you'll find out if she actually misses you or just the attention you give her."

Ritsuka knew that was a pretty low blow, not just to Yayoi but to Yuiko too. But really, after all these years? How long could Yayoi possibly hold on?

"You are well aware that I've dated other girls. And I'm sure," Yayoi's expression was frighteningly sour lemon-like, "she's dated other guys. I've survived and yeah, I'm still waiting. But Ritsuka, let me ask you one thing. How long did Soubi wait for _you_?"

Ritsuka's mouth dropped open but he was completely speechless. Why was Yayoi bringing him and Soubi into this? That was a totally different situation. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Hey, I may be a romantic idiot, but I'm not a stupid romantic idiot. Back then I was too young – or inexperienced or whatever – to see it, but hindsight is a wonderful thing. Soubi waited for you. He _waited_ for you, and I don't mean 'til you were old enough to ride the big kid rides at Disney. Tell me, would you rather he hadn't?"

Talk about low blows.

"I still don't get what you see in the guy, though," Yayoi added. "What you see in _guys_ even."

"Yayoi..." Ritsuka warned.

"Yeah, I know, old conversation," Yayoi said, waving away Ritsuka's annoyance.

Yuiko's laughter floated out from the kitchen and Yayoi smiled. He leaned forward and propped his face in his hands. "Look, all I'm saying is it's my own business how long I wait for Yuiko. Personally, I think I'm doing okay. I think _we_ – me and Yuiko – are doing okay. It's my business and my choice. Okay, yeah, it's _her_ choice too. But how long I wait is totally up to me. Okay?"

Ritsuka was prevented from answering when Soubi and Yuiko reappeared with desserts in hand, but he didn't really know what to say anyway. All of Yayoi's talk about Soubi and waiting and choice...it was hitting a little too close to home.

*****

Ritsuka was already in bed when a naked and already hard Soubi climbed in next to him.

"Mmmmm.... I like it when you wear pajamas. It's so much fun to pull them off of you," Soubi said as he playfully tugged at Ritsuka's bottoms.

Ritsuka lifted his hips in clear invitation and Soubi lost no time in stripping him of all articles of clothing. Then he rolled on top of Ritsuka, licking and nibbling at his throat.

Ritsuka ran his fingers down Soubi's seemingly never-ending back and in no time at all he was hard and aching. He thrust against Soubi's thigh, eliciting a half-laugh, half-groan from him.

"You're always so eager, aren't you?" Soubi teased before kissing him deeply.

Ritsuka could get lost in Soubi's kisses, as much as he could get lost in the sex itself. Maybe more so, because so many of his earliest memories with Soubi involved kisses. Sure, those first kisses had been confusing and not a little frightening, but the memory of them made his stomach flutter and his cock twitch and perhaps that meant _he'd_ been the pervert all along, not Soubi.

Didn't matter now, though. Everything they did together was mutual. Still scary sometimes, knowing you were actually clinging – both physically and emotionally – to the person you wanted to be with for the rest of your life.

Soubi sucked on a nipple and Ritsuka arched his back off the bed. Soubi's mouth could do amazing things, even without words. As Soubi moved lower down his body, as his hand teased his balls and his tongue swirled inside his bellybutton, Ritsuka could feel Soubi's cock leaking against his calf and it thrilled him how much Soubi loved this, loved pleasing him to the point that- that....

That it didn't really matter who was on top or bottom. What the _hell_ had he been so damn worried about?

"Soubi. Soubi, come here."

"I'm a little busy right now."

"Soubi!"

Soubi slid up along Ritsuka's body, making him groan and lose his concentration for a moment. "God, you feel so good."

"Wouldn't I feel even better with my mouth around your cock?"

Ritsuka rarely blushed anymore, but sometimes he really couldn't help it. "Shut up, I've got something to tell you."

" _Now?_ "

"Yes! Look, just-" Ritsuka looked into Soubi's eyes and all he could see was love and amusement and endless devotion. Maybe there was only one thing he actually needed to say.

"I love you."

Soubi leaned down and kissed him tenderly. Soubi didn't say the words back, because it was all right there in his kiss. Honestly, he hadn't _needed_ to say them for a couple of years now. No one needed convincing anymore.

"Then let me return the favor," Soubi whispered in his ear before trying to slide back down and pick up where he'd left off. But Ritsuka had other ideas.

He grabbed Soubi by the shoulders and hauled him back up. Soubi was still bigger than he was, but not particularly heavy. If Ritsuka caught him by surprise he could push him around a bit.

"What-" Soubi started, but by then Ritsuka was rolling him over onto his back and kissing him breathless. The nightstand was a bit of a reach, but he managed to get the drawer open and fish out the lube.

"You're certainly not wasting any time," Soubi said as he drew his legs up toward his chest, making Ritsuka _hurt_ with want.

"No, I'm not. Not anymore." Before Soubi could ask what he meant by that Ritsuka had two fingers inside him and Soubi wasn't saying anything more than _please_ and _thank you_.

Ritsuka had once made Soubi come with his fingers alone, and Ritsuka had finally understood the meaning of erotic. Maybe he'd do it again sometime. But not now. And maybe someday he'd feel Soubi sliding in and out of his body, and he'd understand something else. But not now.

When Soubi was suitably stretched, Ritsuka positioned himself and pushed in slowly. So tight. So hot. Nothing short of perfect. And Soubi's _sounds_. Soubi could probably make Ritsuka come just by sound alone. That particular thought, coupled with the picture of pure, unrestrained lust that was Soubi's body, made Ritsuka pump into him that much harder and that much faster, until Soubi wrapped his own hand around his cock and started jacking himself in time with Ritsuka's thrusts.

Yeah, this was one of those times they wouldn't last long. But so what?

  
 **END**   



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